My friend has mused that she needs an elevator speech to explain why she left Bethlehem. People will ask, and she's tempted to say, "Do you have 3 hours?" So I wanted to share some long, medium, and short reasons why we left, in case that helps anyone else.
For the long story, you can see our open-letter (here) and read how the elders responded (here). Or you can browse our previous blogposts. Ming-Jinn Tong has a 90-minute audio recording explaining why he resigned from pastoring at Bethlehem - you can ask him for access to it if you'd like to listen. That recording is probably the best one-stop summary I've heard of the various problems at Bethlehem, and I highly recommend it. It touches on issues at all 3 campuses (now churches), and it is absolutely indicting. (If you can't access the recording, read Ming-Jinn's post here about church hurt. There is far more in the recording, but this will give you a taste of it.)
For a medium length explanation, I would suggest reading Mickey's defense of using the term spiritual abuse to describe Bethlehem (here).
For even shorter explanations, here are some one-sentence descriptions of why we left:
1) "Too many lies by too many people in leadership." My friend gave this as her reason for leaving, and I resonate with it. (I would clarify: too many lies that have not been repented of. In theory repentance could put this right, but we have yet to see that.) If I had to give one sentence for why I left, this would be it.
2) "Bullying, domineering, and spiritual abuse." This was Bryan Pickering's summary (he was Counseling Pastor and resigned in June 2021), and it captures things well. When I first heard it, those were just words to me, but now I can flesh out those terms and give specific examples of those things happening at Bethlehem. (I never expected that Bethlehem would be where I would learn about bullying.)
3) "The problem was that we were committed to Bethlehem, but Bethlehem was committed to Bethlehem." Mickey said this while meeting with someone a few weeks ago, and I thought it captured things well.
4) "As time went on, there were less and less elders up front that we could trust." This was one of the first explanations we heard (from a friend) in summer 2021 when we started asking questions, and it now holds true for us too.
5) A friend summarized her reasons for leaving Bethlehem as follows, and I thought it captured things really well, so I'm including it here: “There are two primary reasons I left BBC. The first is that they devalue women, treating them like second class citizens which I experienced personally numerous times. The second is that over the course of years I saw people bring to the elders' attention serious problems which they gaslit, minimized, and sometimes lied about both privately and publicly. This caused significant harm to hundreds of people which unfortunately BBC elders refuse to acknowledge even to this day."
These are my attempts to capture the issues that came to light in 2021. However, Mickey pointed out that people have left Bethlehem, over many years, for all sorts of other reasons too. We know some people who left because their domestic abuse cases were badly mishandled. Some people left because they didn't like how women were treated. Some people wanted a smaller church. Some people were on the ethnic harmony taskforce and were dismayed at the elders' response to their report. Some people felt like they didn't fit the mold. Some people appealed to BCS leadership for help with a difficult professor and got shut down. Some people thought Bethlehem was too liberal/conservative (the elders like to point out that "people are leaving on both sides," and while that does NOT prove that Bethlehem has chosen some magical middle ground, it is true). Some people perceived a fundamentalist "we have all the right answers" attitude and disliked it. Some people experienced bullying while on staff. Some people were shut down when they raised concerns. Some people fell through the cracks. Some people had a bad experience with a women's ministry leader. Some people were mistreated by the elders. These are all real examples; I have specific people in mind for each of them. (Many people have written about their experiences at Bethlehem, and we've tried to compile their stories here.)
Mickey and I learned so much from just listening to people's stories. We had no idea how much harm had happened at Bethlehem. As I wrote in my very first blog post (here), "When someone leaves your church, take time to listen to them." There are always things to learn from people's stories of why they left. And when you listen to these stories, you realize that the trail of destruction coming out of Bethlehem is staggering.
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