The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

It is hard to pick the right adjective to describe this book.  It certainly was incredibly helpful in giving clarity and understanding to trauma and its impacts on both the body and mind.  My typical word to describe this type of book is "excellent," highlighting the importance,

"But I Know This Person"

An elder said something at one of the smaller Bethlehem Q&As last summer, and we've been reflecting on it.  At the start of the meeting the elders shared a few prepared statements in order to clarify some things from the 7/11 Q&A that appeared concerning.  Afterward, someone approached Elder X and said something like, "I heard the statement, but what really happened there [on 7/11] was he lied.  He lied."  Elder X reassured her (as best we can remember), "I know Elder Y.  If he thought that he had lied, he would repent for it."

Harm, apologies, and forgiveness

This post is prompted by the interactions recounted by the Julie Roys podcast What Happened at Bethlehem Baptist Church (Part 2) as well as Julie Roys' Opinion: Bethlehem Baptist, Apologies and “Unintentional Sin”.  Of particular note is the linked transcript of Dr. Naselli's apology to the Takatas in the opinion piece.  Excerpts from the apology are played in the podcast so you can get a sense of Dr. Naselli's intonation and context.  Frankly, I found his apology frustrating and disappointing, very much not in keeping with what I would expect out of an apology from a professor at seminary and an elder of Bethlehem.  Unfortunately, this type of non-apology has sadly become commonplace at Bethlehem.  I could name multiple examples I've seen from the past year.  For another public one, see Pastor Kenny's "apology" to Julie Roys.  

When Silence Harms

Mickey and I have been reflecting a lot on the problem of silence from church leaders.  I've come to realize that although silence is harder to spot than egregious words or actions, in many ways it can be just as problematic.

It's relatively easy to point to egregious words and actions.  I can read a problematic email.  I can hear the inappropriate things said at a meeting.  I can be troubled by the actions of a dominant personality.  And I can tell others about these words and actions.

When Someone Leaves Your Church, Take Time to Listen to Them

In Spring 2021, I was at a playdate with a friend, and in the course of our conversation, she told me that she was leaving Bethlehem because bad things were happening.  I didn't respond well.  I didn't say, "Tell me more."  I didn't ask a single follow-up question.  Instead, I said, "Oh."  And I changed the subject.

I'm ok sitting with you, both you and your emotions

It continues to confuse me that the very church and community from which I learned many truths and practices that have helped me love Jesus and others better could also be the place of such harm and darkness.